Numb

A gnawing feeling within

The world closes in on me

So much to think

Now I’m numb. I cannot feel.

Chaos all around. In my heart, in my mind.

I shut my eyes to catch a glimpse of hope

They open with a start

Its like the darkness hides a horror story.

Now I’m suddenly in a glass cage,

Everyone staring at me

They reflect my actions, my smile, my laughs

But when a tear drop falls, alas its lost.

They were there a long time

I cheered them up when they were crying

I guess my mistake was to think that they were mine..

All she can do is write...

There’s a sudden emptiness within her

The smile is slowly wiped off her face

Thoughts swirl through her head

She knows not what to think

She has a lot to be glad about; she’s had a good life

But there’s a void within and she can’t figure out why

She’s attracted to darkness and runs from the light

When nothing makes sense all she can do is write.

A fire, a fire..

(Inspired by the snow patrol song ‘If there’s a rocket tie me to it’ that was stuck in my head the whole day…)

A fire, a cage,

A flash of something burning

I fear myself

The inner devil waiting to break out

I try, I resist

There’s a lot of good hidden inside too

But the world outside

It does not let me release it.

There’s a spark within

Waiting to be discovered.

I run, I hide

I never liked so much drama

Life is a thrill

And I will live it to the fullest

The fire the fire,

It’s the only thing I can remember…

EXHAUSTED..........!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate when things go out of hand

When messed up stuff cannot be reformed

Choice of brain over heart wins

Relationships play creepy sins

You don’t understand if being good was actually good.

These feelings and emotions are all full of crap

When you need most support

Back bitching rules the class

Full of detention, full of frustration

Falling hard on the wrong side

Lying in our own pit-fall.

Blame game rising on egos

Deteriorating the bonds of unity

Broken hearts and injured souls

Are never mended

Left over time to be healed

With the memory bandage

Later seeing the marks and scars left behind.

It’s a mad jungle

Looking for prey

One of these days when you internally eaten away.

My jumping thoughts............

Flying in the sky

Sinking down the earth

Life stretches from everywhere

Sliding from the hill

Crossing several roads

Waiting here and there for the time to surpass

Questions in my head

Staring at the moon's scars

Thinking of it journey from a tiny star

Making its place in the dark night

Somedays the only one in the sky

Somedays leaving the stars on their own

Ever changing itself

Being in the heart of people who are spread apart

May it be symbol of love or

Being the partner of loneliness....

Silence............

Closed lips and empty talks

Simple nods making others feel odd

Wondering in your own dreams

Thinking of the time so deep

Eyes so gloomy shedding the real

Tiny stories humming in ears

Whispers of the silent laughs

Giggling of the silly heart

Leaving all the worries behind

Gently feeling innocence inside

Speaking nothing still some may hear

Words of love and care

Lying on the lips silently there….

MY ANGEL....luvya

You are the one who made me stand

Telling me it’s okay if things go wrong

Teaching me how to look inside

And guiding me to go for what‘s still not mine

When I call you at midnight…you lying with unconscious sight

My conflicts turn you upside down

Searching for my answers is now on your mind

Making me smile in every possible way

Either buying me many presents            

Or saying a little pray

All you see is what makes me alright

And fight for it till you set things right

Embracing in arms and holding on tight

Living that moment always as the first time

Teasing me when I utter my fear

Putting me as the first on your list

Shaking up my peace with your stupid flings

Hurting yourself and killing me

You got the whole world behind you but

When you tell that it’s me for whom you want to be with

I can’t believe that my fate had the best part

Ignoring my tantrums and avoiding my drains

You are the one to let me be so crazy

When it rains you be my shield

Protecting me from dirt and heat

Falling on my knees, bleeding my toes

You standing right next to me

To clean my wounds

If I cry you let me cry

When I try to run away you pull me back

It’s been years that I have known you

For me it’s been many new lives being with you…

This is how one of my friends described me on my bday…I like

This is how one of my friends described me on my bday…I liked it so much that I can’t resist myself posting their love for me….awwwwwwwwwww my crackpots…!!!

She walks along, a swing in her pride

Like she hasn’t a care in the world

Smiling and laughing, forgetting her phone

She’s a child at heart who wants to have her fun….

She doesn’t get why people take so much tension

She doesn’t get why they complicate things

She wants out of all the fakeness

All she wants is to be where her heart is

She’s a free spirit tied to the ones she cares about

Like a surprise package yet to be unwrapped

She reveals herself a little at a time

The deeper you go , the more her strength will show

She’s a tough little cookie ya…..

THE ONE I love irritating the most....lolz

When you first meet her, she seems to be a silent breeze

All like an innocent kid looking at the people’s faces blindly

You may find her the most confused person on this earth

Winking and frowning at, that only she knows

You need to wait long enough to get her reaction

Spending days with her and peeling her layers

You will know how stupidly she acts smart

Her smile makes the perfect picture click

When it comes to solving algebraic equations

Damn the best expressions you get to laugh at

Ask her to be creative and she designs a master piece

Unique in her style of innovation

Always lost in her ways

Getting ripped down by her friend and sister

She makes one wonders what miscalculation even god can create

Still for me, she has been my source of laugh and crimes

Lending her hands whenever I need a stride

Honestly following our road of friendship

Even though of many diversions and fork

We choose to be on the same path for life

Finding our way back into bond of love and care

Being the special ones in each other’s life….

                                                                  

You still stand there silently...

I feel suffocated like I can’t breathe no more
Feel like I need to run away as fast as I can
But I run out of my breath, I stop and I gasp
And you’re right there by my side
You hold out a glass of water and I throw it down
You give me the bottle and all I do is frown
You say not a word you just stand there smiling
A smile that used to calm me now ignites me
I burst out flare up
Start to yell and shout
I keep screaming at you
You stand there silently
The smile still on your face but I see a tear fall to the ground
It wasn’t meant to be this way I swear
I never meant to hurt you, yell at you, punch you
There’s something eating me within and I don’t know what it is
All I know is it comes out whenever I see you
You remind me of what I should be, what I can
Maybe, is that what makes me angry?
I can see me in your eyes. You know me inside out
Is it that that makes me run, that that freaks me out?
I thought that I was done, thought I’d left it behind me
But then I look down and I see your tear drop staring up at me..

THIS ISN’T ME…..

I wana shout aloud and let you know
This was not what I suppose to be
This is not me…………
My life’s going like hell and
I can’t figure out a way,
To be out of the shell
Things set right, but still go wrong….
And that’s how it always ends…
That’s not me and that wasn’t supposed to be
This isn’t me…
It’s hard to see everything going out of control
It’s hard to believe what I don’t even feel...
Don’t force me up, don’t push me down
To be, what I don’t want to be
Don’t let fly away my dreams from me
Coz then I won’t be me….
You always wanted the best out of me
Was that I suppose to be???
But sorry!!!!!
THIS ISN’T ME….
So I wanna shout aloud and tell you this today
I am not afraid of me
Its just that you don’t understand
This ain’t me…………..

WHO AM I??

My friends call me cool,call me yaar

My world has been a bit bizzare

I am chirpy as a bird and

Silent as a breeze

I am an ice cube

Will melt when warmth is there and freeze to have fun with ease…

I am not mean,not even a sobing queen

I don’t let everything for god to solve

I make friends who are full of life

Who do withstand even when its hard to strive

My mornings are fussy

Nights are dreamy

I believe in future, relearn my past and

Live in the present

Things are pretty straight for me

And if the world won’t agree to me

I give a damn care

Its my life and nobody gets a right to rule it

We all got many layers

Some peeled off and many still to explore

Everyday a new face to surprise

Don’t know who I am particularly

But I am a mixture of many “I am”

Some day I am gonna fly…real up high

Freelancing in the clear sky

I am very stupid ,silly

Do my own things,way too differently

What I am today

I wasn’t the same in the past

And what I will be tomorrow

Wont be the same as today….

THE ONLY THING IN MY LIFE THAT REMAINS CONSTANT IS “CHANGE”

Spice up your present with a tinch from the past...

How many of you have an old forgotten bike….or your ultimate ride… for which you pleaded with everyone around, convincing them with its benefits and how its absence is a great disaster in your life….for which you had to go through so many arguments…but now you have got a new friend....and this old buddy is standing lonely in the sun, gathering dust and rusting itself in the rains just hoping that his days will be back again….

Actually why am I jhaaroing gyaan….so my dear folks it’s something which I forgot but got back by just moving few steps in the past… and informing you that don’t miss it…We all got very hectic lives and tiring days, according to our description when long lost people with whom you once had so many cherish able moments ask you... It’s a highly competitive world out there and everyone is in the race…you wait or slog, you lose (this might seem familiar…3 idiots remember)…anyways my point is that we can spend few extra hours of our life doing what we used to do…for instance I have a scooter kinda old….Dhanno, as it is my rescuer from time and always speeds me up on the dull roads….it’s been months, no actually a year, that I had been  neglecting it…poor thing keeps standing in the parking lot with spider webs all over and loads of uninvited visitors…all alone with beautiful savvy cars parked next to it…

Cutting the story real short I had so many discussions before I got Dhaano…every second talk was about it…be it promising my parents to go to market to fetch groceries or to go for tuitions on my own…explaining to them how carefully and strictly I will be following traffic rules and driving not beyond 40km/hr….arguing with my relatives to support me instead of deviating their my mind with negative stories of road rage and all other crap….so I had enough negotiation before I had those keys of freedom….

My first ride was late at night as the delivery man went haywire before finding our address…it was bit breezy that night and I just hoped on to give it a kick…I drove a few miles with my uncle sitting behind me to balance that heavy beauty…anyways from then on I had many beautiful memories with it….driving it always beyond 60km/hr, breaking signals, almost killing people at times, abusing drivers who think it’s a man's world, racing with strangers, sudden breaks, market duties, giving ride to my bro, uncle ,dad and grand dad (it’s fun as men don’t want to sit at back but when they have to they keep instructing you with their tips on driving..), covering 10km in 15 min ( almost on time for tuition), going to hospital at the peak hour, dropping my sister to her different classes…it gives a sense of pride when you are actually on the road with your very own two wheeler…ready to mess around with anyone…

Today, I went and cleaned my darling and went to college…it had been so bloody long that I actually had amazing zeal of driving…air blowing your hair, dust kissing your face, rough bumpy roads, freshness of freedom and exhilaration…and I think on this weekend I might even spend hours shinning my bike just like I used to in the past…

Guys leave all those luxurious sedans and SUV’S you earned just for a day…get on to your two wheeler… fatt fatatia  or bachpan ka cycle….or do anything which you used to do in the past and have ignored and now finally forgotten its taste and charm….go out and have that same gushing flow of blood in your veins…those majestic moments of life need revisiting…. I relearned what I loved doing….!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yet she wants no one to know...

She tip-toes around carefully,
She can’t have them know she’s here
If only she were invisible, she could completely let down her hair
There’s so much she wants to do, a fire within that eggs her on,
She wants to try everything, she wants to do it all.
There’s so much in her mind, so much in her heart,
She wants to bring it out, she wants to show it off.
But she wants no one to know
She would rather be an anonymous soul.
She doesn’t know who she’s hiding from,
But she just doesn’t want to be seen.
O, what she would give to be able to just let go and scream…